UKSALSA CHAT | ON2 CHAT | SUZYQ CHAT 
Subject: How do I get women to dance?
From: fenix (GP)
Date: Friday 6th September 2002, 9:02 am

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Women what makes you decide whether to accept or reject a dance?
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As I don't know you, I can only speak from my perspective and tell you what I look for in a dance: 1) that the guy doesn't throw/push/shove/pull me around the dance floor (believe me, it's VERY unpleasant); 2) that he knows how to keep time in whatever style he's dancing, be it On1, On2, Cuban, etc; 3) that he doesn't spin me 10 times to show off to onlookers that he can actually do it; there aren't many guys who have a proper spinning technique, so when you're trying to make me spin more than is really necessary for the music or the dance, it isn't appreciated;

and finally, but most importantly,

- that he doesn't smell: body odour, alcohol breath, bad breath, etc. This point can't be stressed enough.

No doubt, there will be many angry replies to this email, however let me point out that this all comes from my personal experience and is only my list of criteria. Having spoken to a variety of other women dancers, they do agree on all of my points, and even had a few more to add which I didn't feel was necessary for this debate.

I choose my partners by watching them dance with other people first. That way I know his style and his timing, whether he's adapting to his partner's level and making sure she's protected from bashing into other couples. This last point is important, there are many men who don't look where they're leading their partner to and that is when you get accidents, like a poke in the eye, or a stiletto heel on the toes, or an elbow. I have danced with New York professional dancers and have always been grateful that they danced at my level; it made the dance very enjoyable for me, I wasn't stressed thinking that I needed to do some magical footwork to impress him, and they weren't stressed into thinking about some complicated turn patterns to impress me. So everyone wins.

However, I also do adapt my dancing to the level of my partner, if they are a beginner: I don't do any fancy footwork that might throw them off time, and I don't do shines. I try and follow their lead and gently give them a few pointers and tips; ie: do not hold the girl by the wrist, make your steps smaller, etc. I have found that these have been well received. Of course, these tips have to be given in a tactful way. And I have found myself asking the same guy for a second dance if I feel that he's open to learning more.

All being said and done, I hardly ever say no to people (thus the bad experiences listed above!) because I know how horrible it is to be rejected. At the end of the day, everyone has been a beginner at some point in time and should remember how they felt then. But I do think that there is a minimum criteria that people should abide to (body odour) and I am learning to be more ruthless in my choices.

I do hope that you will find the right dance partners you can enjoy a dance with. Don't always go for the flashy ones, most of the time they aren't that great!

Happy dancing!

   
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